For some reason—and I swear it’s not some perverse Matlock fetish—I want a pair of seersucker shorts. They’re everywhere I look right now, in catalogs, in stodgy department stores, and in trendy little shops. I keep trying them on, too. And I keep being disappointed.
Here’s the problem: I’m short. You may not know that about me; maybe it doesn’t come through in my little(?) missives here. It’s true, though. On a good day, I’m barely hitting 5’7″. And given my height, or—more exactly—the, er, brevity of my legs, I like shorts that aren’t too long. My favorite pair of shorts, for instance, has a 7 ½-inch inseam. The seersucker shorts I’ve been seeing and trying on, though, have inseams in the neighborhood of 12 ½ inches. Yikes. That means the shorts go way, way, way over my knees.
That’s the danger that shorts can pose to the short man. You may end up looking like you’re wearing manpris. Or the shorts can give the illusion that you’re actually 4’7″.
Beware, short men: This summer may be dangerous.