Memo to Autumn Lovers

I have to apologize for the lack of blogging this month. I’m preoccupied with an issue concerning my apartment, which I’m sure I’ll be blogging about sooner or later, and I’m just not sitting down at my computer as often as I usually do. Plus, I’m not coping well with this little cold snap; in fact, as it often does, autumn seems to be making me sick. Um, literally.

A few years ago, when I was writing for a different project, I wrote a memo to autumn lovers, explaining my views on what seems to be the favorite season of so many people. Since I can’t seem to write anything new for you, here’s a slightly tweaked version of what I wrote then.

TO: Autumn Lovers
FROM: Jay
RE: Getting (you) in touch with reality
DATE: October 15, 2006

It has come to my attention that many of you claim that autumn is the best time of year. Every day, it seems, I hear co-workers or fellow commuters saying that autumn is their favorite season. A common theme of your comments is that you thrilled to summer as a kid but that you love fall more and more as you get older. You go on and on about football, the new chill in the air, the yellows and the rusts in the leaves, and Thanksgiving.

I want to call your attention to some other things, though. There’s that tickle in the back of your throat. The way you’re so congested that you can only breathe through your open mouth. There’s that cough that makes you sound like Typhoid Mary. The way you can’t decide whether to turn the air conditioner or the heater on. I want to call your attention to the way you’re feeling right now. To the way you’re alternately chilled and feverish. I want to call your attention to your sudden need to have cough syrup right there on your desk.

Yes, friends, I want you to realize that the congestion and the horrible, unending hack-ack-acking cough (and, really, can you just keep that away from me, please?), well, they go right along with those rusty leaves and that chill in the air. The reason you feel so crappy right now is directly attributable to the change in the season. Your body is trying to figure out how to cope, but the weather just won’t cooperate. It’s warm one day, cold the next. It’s cool in the morning, almost downright hot in the afternoon.

Your so-called favorite season is making you sick.

P.S. If there’s any justice, I’ll win the lottery soon and move to New Orleans or Key West or San Diego or Honolulu. There, I’ll enjoy the sameness of all those warm days strung one against the other, from January to December. You’ll be welcome to visit, so long as you promise not to go on and on about how you enjoy that chill in the October air. Ugh.

I’m ready for springtime. Who’s with me?