This is Wacky Melon, a bizarre pull toy that my parents gave me when I was a child. Actually, this is not my Wacky Melon; it’s a photograph from the web of one of my Wacky Melon’s siblings. I keep Wacky Melon at my parents’ house—mostly, I suppose, so I won’t look like a nut when a date comes over. Of course, since I haven’t really had a date since I was, um, in my 30s, I should probably send for Wacky Melon.
I thought Wacky Melon was the thing for awhile. When he’s pulled, those little slices of watermelon cycle in and out of his body, making a little bit of a racket. His eyes move, too, but not necessarily in combination with the slices. I believe Wacky Melon was made by a company called Cragstan. What could those toy-makers possibly have been thinking?